Taking A Step

Very recently a long time friend of mine turned up at the Community Art Studio with the above gifts. A little hand decorated box filled with some shamanic love. I have been lost for words other than thank you for some time. In this past week these have played a beautiful part in preparation for my treatment and general healing.

Beautiful. Thank you Joy ๐Ÿ’–

I have taken some of the little trinkets that accompany this bottle with me on my travels and I have used them to meditate and reflect deeply. The biggest gift from this is to trust in the now, the here and now and also to trust that whatever will be will be. Life has its own unfolding pace.

So a little update from my treatment:

It was a little stronger for me than assumed but I had prepared for this as I am aware just how medication sensitive I am. It will be different for everyone. It was quite heavy but not drastic particularly the second evening, much nausea and fever but all manageable. I am preparing for my last tablet of my first round in an hour or so and I’m feeling grateful for the opportunity to be afforded such a chance to slow down or halt progression of this autoimmune disorder. This morning I awoke to my hair falling out small at first (already had signs yesterday) then as I was about to take action a couple of rather large clumps came away

so suffice to say I’ve taken the lot off and there are patches of bald skin and small spikes of hair remnants. So far I still have my eye lashes and eyebrows may this continue ๐Ÿ™

Looking far better today than I have others. Less facial sores anyway.

In a quirky way this has given me a gateway to begin exploring the artist formerly known as Stacie.

For some time now I have been exploring the labels that we humans attach to ourselves in order to create a sense of our identity and I have been wondering if we were to start removing some of these what would be left, would we be who (or even what) we thought we were?

So I begin with removal of my hair, challenging what society tells me is beautiful, what I should be aiming for so that I will be viewed by others as beautiful and desirable. The Buddhists have this approach as a main way of letting go of attachment and a sense of pride, to see the illusion of the myths we accept.

At first sight it felt shocking and shaming but I took myself off and washed my head and looked again and saw something different. I saw a human being…as is. Acceptable hair or no hair. Hair became meaningless other than what I had thought of it in the past.

Over time I plan on taking away some of the labels I use to identify ‘myself’ may this expose some of my own habits and ways in which I have used and attached myself to words, feelings or things to describe my own concept of ‘self’.

What is this?

As with the first gift of three waters I am learning to let go then to go with flow.

As with the second gift of the three waters I’m trusting that whatever this self is it will flow strong amid all of the changes that are consistently shifting every moment, beginning with my treatment and letting go of the hair as it once was understanding how temporary it is and how it will change again, many many times.

As with the third gift of the rivers may this path lead me to a less attached more honest sense of whatever this self is and may that bring a sense of freedom and joy.

Everything begins with motivation, intention then a first step.

I hope by just being and sharing with you that some of you may explore some of your own questions.

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