After five years of not connecting with music properly something has truly shifted. Music was always a go to within, a place to feel and find voice for the inner world. Since diagnosis of MS in 2015 I had always thought that this loss of interest or connection to music was as a result of a personality change possibly caused by brain alteration from a couple of tiny MS lesions. It was so bizarre to lose such a part of my every day being. Like other things just gone. Also I never looked back nor missed it which was equally weird to experience, it had been such a significant tool. I’m now, however, wondering if this was indeed the case or if perhaps all this time my relationship with music has been frozen alongside my heart in its grief? I am now finding beautiful flowing movement again by allowing my heart to just be with it’s authenticity of feeling, without restraint or suppression. Honouring this heart’s story. Freedom to love as truly and deeply as I do, quietly within myself without adaption or restriction (as discussed further down in my recent post Life Lessons). There seems to be an amazing opening happening and with it a wonderful reconnection to music. It feels in this moment like this soul is finding its breath once again after such a long time. Although the music is more sound based rather than with words. It is quite an incredible and powerful shift. Beautiful gratitude!
Here are a list of some of today’s listenings ~
Of course Ludovico Einaudi (every time) this one is called ‘Fly’ https://youtu.be/411iOnRcjAUhttps://youtu.be/411iOnRcjAU
and Adam Hurst such eloquent depth, this one is called ‘Elegy’ https://youtu.be/ibfcScgfCK4https://youtu.be/ibfcScgfCK4
A new favourite composer: Max Richter (so many but I will just pick three, first one) ‘To The Stars’ https://youtu.be/PjzZ_0KSYVghttps://youtu.be/PjzZ_0KSYVg
Third, this one because today has been a hugely significant day in the story of this life that am living. A coming together of an accumulation of experience, years worth, on so many levels finally finding space and profundity of voice to speak the unspoken. This particular song touched into heart with such meaning. A deep and moving piece by Max Richter called ‘All Human Beings’. It brought a flow of tears. So utterly poignant right now not just for my story but for a multitude of reasons not least the human rights issues surfacing across the world right now and this pandemic, how it is touching each and every one of us exposing our vulnerabilities and our shared humanity https://youtu.be/QmrIDK03Hlghttps://youtu.be/QmrIDK03Hlg and here is the full tune without the voices (such heart beauty!) https://youtu.be/BltZDLACFIEhttps://youtu.be/BltZDLACFIE
In this opening up and allowing heart the freedom to breathe with it’s own its story, unsuppressed, I found this beautiful poem that sums up life’s learning. I have not practiced this enough in moments due to a holding on to a sense of ‘myself’ and ‘I’ in processes of change. This is regretful, though it is just growing and learning and as we do it is about having the wisdom that if you truly love someone you leave the room for them to be free. Free, always to be just as they are, non constricted. This applies to us too. We may not like how it feels but remember with grace that the discomfort will pass and respect for just being in this world is the utmost form of love. Our job is to take good, gentle, loving care of our soul in the ways it needs and all will be well.
Comes the Dawn
“After a while you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
And company doesn’t mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts
And presents aren’t promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open
With the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child,
And you learn to build all your roads on today,
Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans,
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure…
That you really are strong,
And you really do have worth.
And you learn and learn…
With every goodbye you learn.”
~ Veronica Shoffstall
To the re-opening of music, to allowing grief to flow with its love.
I am deeply grateful, may this bring benefit to all that ‘is’ in the way of things in some way 💗🌸
Thank you for small beautiful graces 🙏